The black book - utdrag

Now I know you never did give a damn, now I know it was all an illusion. I saw what I wanted to see. I hate you for doing that to me, I hate you for saying you were in love with me and then changing your mind three weeks later. I hate you for tearing down my wall and then crushing me from within. I hate you for making me trust you. I hate you for everything you’ve said and done. I hate you for not knowing, I hate you for breaking my heart and then acting like you haven’t.

But most of all I hate myself. I hate myself for letting you in to my life. For trusting you, for believing in you and everything you said. I hate myself for being so naive. I hate myself for believing you when you said you were in love with me. I hate myself for falling in love.

Given the chance again I’d do it differently. I’d take it all back. I’d take back the late nights riding in your car, I’d take back all the long walks. I’d take back every movie night, I’d take back every time I fell asleep in your arms. I’d take back the Christmas-market. I’d take back holding your hand and I would take back the time I looked you in the eye and said I was in love. I’d take back our first kiss. I would take back this Easter, and I’d take back every sleepover. Take back every touch and smile; every laugh and every memory.

But you showed me how good everything can feel, and you made me feel whole again. And for that I love you. I love you for your ability to make me smile even when I’m sad, I love you for making me feel safe, like nothing bad could ever happen. I love you for the way you make me feel, I love you for making me laugh so hard I can’t breathe. I love you because you’re goofy and I love you for not being like everyone else. I love you for showing that you care just by turning on the ass-warmer in the car a cold winter day. I love you for comforting me when I was nervous before my job interview, I love you for always being there when I needed you. I love you for being you and being everything I wanted.